He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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