You work out of a Hotel?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
