he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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