Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
false alarm, still single
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
