no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
