I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
