your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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