turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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