I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
