I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
