this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
