girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
