Tell her she can't have a vagina
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She even gives head with a lisp.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
