So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
