fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
