It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
