goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
