omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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