You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
