some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
