so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
