I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this boner is exhausting
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
