Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
