This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
