3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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