I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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