Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
