i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
