he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
