Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
