Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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