Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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