is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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