My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
