Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
