dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
