I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
