i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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