Sry I called you an 8
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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