Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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