I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
