I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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