think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
