It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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