I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to calm my uterus...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
