I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
