I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
