the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
