It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
