In the future we'll all be gay
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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